


with the lights out

by irrationalqueer



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, Early Relationship, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:40:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26563015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrationalqueer/pseuds/irrationalqueer
Summary: Dan’s been purposely brazen and provocative since basically the beginning, comfortable in the knowledge that his body and his whispered words can make Phil hot, keep him interested. But Phil’s been kind and sweet and thoughtful and when he flirts it just feels like honesty.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 36
Kudos: 142





	with the lights out

**Author's Note:**

> the taylor swift chronicles continue

They’re in Phil’s bed, careful inches apart and eyes trained on the TV playing in front of them, but Dan’s distracted. He’s wanted to be close to Phil like this all day, but to finally be here in his bed now just feels kind of overwhelming and he can’t decide if it’s in a good way or not. He’s in a t-shirt and a pair of Phil’s sweats because he’d planned on sleeping in just his pants but when the moment actually came to get cozy he’d chickened out. He’s been building up to this moment for weeks, and he’d actively tried not to plan it out too much, but Phil is both as incredible and as perfectly normal as he thought he would be, and faced with the reality of the actual real person he’s been essentially stalking for months he just - panicked. It’s only surprising how much he hates it, hates still feeling that random buzz of fear even though Phil’s never given him any indication that this is anything but a safe space, has made it clear that he is just as into Dan as Dan is into him.

Phil’s in pajama bottoms and a shirt too, but he looks more comfortable than Dan feels. He’d been pretty obviously nervous earlier, poking and biting at Dan as soon as he walked off the train, like he just couldn’t help himself; it had been so endearing Dan almost couldn’t stand it. But he seems to have calmed a little bit since then - he’s focused on Buffy, but his fingers are brushing Dan’s where they lay between them and every so often they twitch as though he wants to hold Dan’s hand. Dan wants him to, and he’s aware he can make the move, but he’s afraid he’s exhausted all of his bravery for the day. He’s hooked up with guys before, and he thought maybe maybe this would feel like an extended version of that, but it’s nothing like those times. For one thing, Phil actually likes him, and he actually likes Phil. 

It doesn’t even feel real, that he kissed Phil today. He bites his lip, thinking about it. It was softer and more chaste than any kiss he’s had before, so the fact that it made him feel more than he’s ever felt before is absolutely terrifying. Everything they’ve done up until now has been largely theoretical, dirty words to get each other off well enough that they don’t have to think too hard about the softness that always comes after. He wants that softness more than anything else, and he’s never been sure how to ask. Phil always gives it to him anyway. He’s safe, he reminds himself, risking a glance over at Phil. Phil, who, after Dan kissed him, had just smiled his big dopey tongue-out grin at him when he pulled away and dropped an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close. Phil, who hadn’t made any move to hold his hand or get too close to him in town or on the bus back to his house, but had bumped their shoulders together and spoken low in his ear like a secret. And then on the pavement outside his house, Phil had kissed him again, a short thing. Just enough to quiet any and all anxiety that had been buzzing in his brain. 

And now they’re here, in Phil’s bed, casually watching Buffy like nothing earth-shattering had happened at all today. He thinks it probably wasn’t life changing at all for Phil, honestly. Phil’s done this before, he’s been on dates and had hookups and his sexuality hasn’t been theoretical for a long time. So the fact that Dan’s laying here overthinking everything and trying not to panic - Phil probably doesn’t even know. Phil knows about Dan’s other experiences, knows about his ex girlfriend and about the limited sex he’s had and how none of it has ever felt right before. But Dan doesn’t think he fully understands how brave Phil makes him. It has been there since day one, that feeling of rightness when he talks to Phil or flirts with him or talks him into getting himself off while they whisper to each other on the phone or on skype, quiet so that their families can’t hear.

Dan’s been purposely brazen and provocative since basically the beginning, comfortable in the knowledge that his body and his whispered words can make Phil hot, keep him interested. But Phil’s been kind and sweet and thoughtful and when he flirts it just feels like honesty. Phil tells him he’s beautiful or sexy when they’re flushed and breathing heavily on skype in the middle of the night and it doesn’t feel like something that’s only reserved for the darkness. Dan kissed him up high where nobody could see, but Phil kissed him right there on the street in broad daylight. And it’s that thought that gives Dan the courage to reach out and lace their fingers together. 

Phil smiles over at him, squeezing his hand gently. “You okay?” he asks, probably in response to whatever look is on Dan’s face. 

Dan shrugs. “Just tired, I guess,” he says, pretty sure it’s okay to lie a little bit just because he’s not even sure what else he can say. How can you explain to someone that you’re not sure they’re real, just because they’re making you feel things you don’t trust are real? 

Phil raises an eyebrow, or tries to at least. He doesn’t seem to have full control over any expressions his face makes, and Dan kind of loves it. “Do you want to go to sleep?” he asks, already grabbing the remote to turn off the television. 

“I guess,” Dan says, letting go of Phil’s hand to stretch his arms up over his head. He can feel Phil’s eyes on him like a brand, and he’s momentarily self conscious, pulling his shirt back down over his stomach where it had ridden up. 

Phil’s eyes snap back up to his face, but he doesn’t seem embarrassed. He just clears his throat and smiles, sitting up to flick on a small nightlight and take his shirt off. Dan feels his mouth go dry, taking in his trim waist and broad shoulders as if he’s never seen them before. He has, though; he knows when Phil turns around he’ll have a smattering of gingery chest hair and a happy trail to match, the barest hint of what might someday be actual abs that Dan’s imagined touching for weeks now. He doesn’t know if he can handle it, honestly. Thankfully Phil switches the lamp off and the room settles into near-darkness, only his silhouette visible by the nightlight. 

“Are you comfortable?” Phil asks, settling down on his side facing Dan. Dan bites his lip, hesitates a minute and then decides - fuck it. He’s kissed Phil twice today, and he’s in his bed, and there’s no reason to believe he’s got anything to worry about here in this cocoon of warmth and safety. He’s been lost in his head for like an hour and he’s just suddenly so aware of what a waste of time that is. 

So he shucks off his sweats, dropping them on the floor and rolling onto his side facing Phil. “I am now,” he says softly, his eyes adjusting enough that he can see how wide Phil’s are. He likes that - it feels important, somehow, that Phil’s reaction to his half-naked body is exactly the same in person as it was through the computer screen. Phil looks stunned and also kind of like he wants to eat Dan, and it settles his nerves a little bit. 

They’re silent for a moment, just watching each other, until Phil reaches out for him, sliding his hand up over Dan’s hip and resting on the small of his back. He pulls him in, pushing his knee between Dan’s thighs. “This okay?” Phil whispers, and he’s so close Dan can feel his breath fan across his face. 

Dan sucks in a sharp breath and lifts his own hand to rest on Phil’s shoulder, holding back what he’s sure would be an embarrassing noise at the feel of his bare skin. They’re barely touching, for christ’s sake. He clears his throat, but his voice still comes out slightly strangled. “It’s perfect,” he says, and anything else he might have to say is stolen by Phil’s lips on his. 

Phil kisses him gently, and Dan likes it so much he could weep. They’re pressed together and when Phil slides his hand up Dan’s back under his shirt he’s brought even closer, Phil’s thigh slipping between his own. They’re close but it doesn’t feel suffocating; it doesn’t feel like fumbling in a stranger's bed at a party, it doesn’t feel like silent shame in a tent at a music festival. Phil’s holding him so carefully, like he’s afraid he’ll shatter, like he’s something precious. He’s kissing him like he’d be content to just kiss him, kissing and kissing until their lips go numb and they fall asleep like this. It’s intense already, and Dan knew it would be like this, and he likes it so much. He loves that he was right. He doesn’t believe in signs from the universe the way Phil does, but the way that Phil’s body against his feels like a missing part of him has been returned almost makes him believe for a minute. 

He moves his hand, stroking his fingertips lightly down Phil’s arm, the muscles bunching as Phil presses his hand more firmly into Dan’s back, digging his nails in just a little bit, probably not even on purpose. Dan inhales sharply at that, pushing his hand up Phil’s chest through the hair there and whimpering a little bit at the feel of it. He can feel Phil smiling a little against his lips before he opens his mouth, deepening the kiss and fully taking Dan’s breath away. Everything goes from soft and sweet to hot and hungry in that moment and Dan doesn’t even know how to begin to cope. 

Phil’s chest is hard beneath his fingertips and his mouth is soft and wet and Dan’s leg is hitched over his hip, somehow, and he’s not even really sure when that happened but he knows he likes it, likes feeling like an equal participant in whatever this is. He’s reaching up to rake his hands through Phil’s hair, tugging a little bit in a way that makes Phil groan and move down Dan’s neck, sucking kisses down his throat. It’s overwhelming in the best way, and when he drags his teeth over his pulse point he’s powerless to keep his hips from bucking forward, the air leaving him as though it’s been punched out. 

Phil looks at him, eyes hungry and mouth open, and Dan can’t handle that look and all of that focus directed at him so he pulls Phil in again, licks into his mouth with a desperation he hasn’t felt maybe ever. Phil makes that low noise again, a quiet groan that Dan swallows eagerly as he holds them together by the back of Phil’s neck. Phil slides his hand down Dan’s back and this time Dan knows he’s using his nails on purpose and it’s so much, and he’s pressing forward as though he could possibly get any closer to Phil in this position, as if they aren’t already pretzeled together in the most ridiculous way. 

Phil’s hand grips Dan’s hip tightly and he uses that grip to push him away slightly, leaning back just far enough so that he can speak. “Is this okay?” he murmurs, lips brushing Dan’s with each word. 

“So okay,” Dan says, leaning back in to kiss Phil again.

Phil allows it for a moment and then pushes Dan back again. “What do you want, Dan?” he asks, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek and then his jaw, something that inexplicably brings heat to Dan’s cheeks and makes his heart beat a little faster, makes words hard to find. 

“Want you,” Dan manages, trying to keep his breathing even as Phil noses down his neck. Suddenly he’s on his back, Phil on top of him. He's got his arms on either side of Dan’s head, caging him in, and Dan’s surprised by how nice it feels.

“Do you want to go further?” Phil asks, looking at him seriously for a moment, and Dan’s sure his face is doing something ridiculously fond right now, because as unfamiliar as this is, he’s somehow completely unsurprised. Of course Phil is stopping in the middle of a steamy make out session to check on Dan, to make sure he’s okay taking things further. He’s never felt their age difference quite so keenly, but it doesn’t make him feel childish or uncomfortable, he just feels looked after. 

He smiles up at Phil and nods, wrapping his leg around Phil’s back and arching his neck a little bit, preening like he does when they’re watching each other through their computer screens, only this is up close and so much better. He gets to see the way Phil has to actually close his eyes for a moment before he gets a handle on himself. He gets to feel Phil pulling him up so he can yank his shirt off, pushing him back down so he can drop his hips and grind fully against him. He gets to see what Phil looks like when Dan gasps and grips him by the shoulders, pulling him down into an even hotter kiss than before. 

Phil’s hard, and so is Dan; they’ve been kissing and touching and just being close for ages and it’s not surprising, but Phil is just so close and he’s never had this before, it’s almost overwhelming how covered and held he feels. He pulls at Phil’s pajama bottoms with his feet, laughing a little bit when Phil has to pull away to take them off and manages to tangle them both in the legs. He eventually manages to free them and leans back down to press his smiling mouth to Dan’s. 

So much of their skin is touching. Dan’s never felt someone’s body against his like this, the way that Phil’s thighs flex as he pushes their clothed cocks together, pulling Dan’s leg up around his hip again. They’re grinding harder against each other now, panting and gasping into each other’s mouths whenever one of them manages to twist or push their hips together particularly nicely. It’s juvenile, and Dan’s done more than this with random guys at house parties before, but it feels so incredibly fucking good he’s loathe to stop. He can feel their chests sliding together, sweat making the skin stick and drag. He can feel the shape of Phil against his own cock and he’s greedy for it, wants to feel it like this for hours and hours until they can’t handle it anymore. 

Phil’s mouthing down Dan’s neck again, biting like he can’t help it, and Dan wildly hopes he leaves marks. He’s got one of his hands on Phil’s ass, pressing the pads of his fingers in to encourage the way Phil’s thrusting hard against him, and the other in Phil’s hair, holding him against a particularly magical spot low on his throat where he’s sucking and nibbling, probably leaving it red and bruised. 

After one particularly good thrust they both moan, Phil returning his mouth to Dan’s to kiss him desperately, squeezing at his hips and pushing him firmly into the mattress. Dan snakes his hand down between them to push both of their pants down just enough to expose them both, cursing as he feels their bare cocks slide together, helped along by the almost embarrassing amount of precome he’s leaking. He pulls his mouth away from Phil’s to lick his hand anyway before wrapping it around them both as best he can, relishing in the way Phil groans loudly at the feeling before burying his face in Dan’s collarbone like he can’t even hold himself up anymore. Dan understands the feeling, pulls slightly on Phil’s hair with his other hand as he jerks them faster, helped along by the little stuttering thrusts Phil’s making. 

He thumbs over Phil’s slit and bites his lip as Phil whimpers, biting down hard on Dan’s collarbone and wrenching a surprised moan from him. Suddenly Phil’s hovering over him again, taking Dan’s hand from his hair and twining their fingers together, pushing it into the mattress by his head as he uses the leverage to hold himself up. He reaches down with his other hand to wrap around what Dan can’t cover, dipping down to catch his mouth in a dirty, open mouthed kiss that's so blisteringly hot Dan’s coming before he knows it, moaning and whimpering into Phil’s mouth as he makes a mess of himself, barely remembering to keep moving his hand through Phil’s release, coming before Dan even finishes his own. 

They don’t stop kissing the whole time, panting and giggling a little bit as they can’t get enough air to breathe. Phil rolls them onto their sides but doesn’t move away, just keeps kissing him like he’ll die if he stops. Dan feels just as needy, kissing him back and pulling him impossibly closer, forcing Phil’s arm up and around him. When he finally pulls away to breathe, his cheeks are wet; he hadn’t even realized he was crying. They’re happy tears, he thinks; it’s just all so much. He tries to smile reassuringly but Phil definitely looks kind of alarmed, and it’s not like Dan can actually blame him. 

Before he can say anything, Dan opens his mouth. “I’m fine,” he says, rolling his eyes at himself. He’s nineteen and he’s crying after sex because apparently he’s an actual cliche. “I’m just...I don’t know. I’m not sad.” he says, at a loss to even put words to what’s come over him. His brain has been wiped unhelpfully clean thanks to the best orgasm of his life, and he just feels so full in his chest, like he’s exactly where he belongs. How is he supposed to explain that without sounding like an infatuated teen losing their virginity? He’s definitely infatuated, but he’s had sex before and for some reason, it’s completely different with Phil. 

Phil just looks at him, apparently waiting. He rubs his hand comfortingly up and down Dan’s back, but he doesn’t make any move to speak, even when Dan stays silent for a few moments. Eventually, Dan clears his throat. “I think I’m just overwhelmed,” he whispers, biting his lip. “It’s never felt like that for me before.” he says, playing with Phil’s chest hair so he doesn’t have to meet his eyes. 

“I thought you had…” Phil trails off. “Was that too much? I know you’ve like, done stuff before, but I shouldn’t have assumed that was okay.” he says, sounding so guilty Dan can’t handle it. 

He looks up, shaking his head and frowning. “Phil, you literally asked and I said yes. Believe me, the last thing I wanted to do was stop.” he says, smiling a little bit as he goes over the whole thing in his mind again. He’s trying to figure out what to say, how to explain this in a way that won’t make Phil sad. How do you tell someone that you’ve never had sex that felt like more than sex before? Phil’s his best friend, but what if he doesn’t feel the way Dan does?

“You make me feel so safe,” he settles on, sighing a little bit. “I’ve done stuff before, but it’s never been like that. Like, intense,” he says, blushing a little. “You barely touched me and it was like, incredible. At least for me,” he says. 

“It was perfect, Dan,” Phil says quickly, like he can’t bear the thought of Dan not knowing. “I’ve wanted to be with you for so long, and you’re just so beautiful and hot and all day I had to hold myself back from touching you, it was torture,” he says, giggling when Dan rolls his eyes at him. “You stepped off the train and I just wanted to hold you and kiss you and fuck you and never ever let you go, and I couldn’t do any of that because we were in public,” he says, and Dan’s laughing now too. 

“I feel it too,” he says once they’ve both calmed down a little bit. He reaches up, holding Dan’s face gently. “It’s intense, with you. Like I’ve been waiting for you longer than just a couple of weeks.”

Dan kisses him, then, can’t do anything else. He’s not trying to start anything, he just - needs to have his mouth on Phil’s, needs it to be doing something other than spilling all of his feelings right now. He may have cried after sex but he can at least avoid overwhelming them both even further. He can swallow back the words he wants to say, at least for now. 

They pull apart after a few moments, grimacing and laughing at their sticky, sweaty bodies. Dan claims the shower, awkwardly grabbing a new pair of pants and heading to the bathroom completely naked. He can feel Phil’s eyes on him, though, and it’s not like he’s laughing so maybe it’s okay. He’s quick as he scrubs his body with sweet-smelling body wash and washes his hair, stepping out into the cool air of the hallway after only a few minutes. 

When he gets back to Phil’s room, Phil has cleaned up and changed into a pair of sweats and a hoodie, and he tosses one to Dan as well. 

“Do I not get any pajamas?” Dan asks, mostly amused as he pulls the hoodie on, gesturing at his bare legs beneath his black boxer briefs. 

“No,” Phil says, grinning cheekily as he pulls Dan close by the strings of the hoodie and kisses him, pulling gently at a curl that’s already starting to form in Dan’s wet hair. 

Dan rolls his eyes, pulling the hood up over his hair and swatting at Phil’s hand, biting back a smile when Phil just drops their hands and locks them together. “I’m hungry.” They pull each other down the stairs and it’s silly, the way they can’t manage to go more than a foot away from each other, but Dan is comforted by it. He doesn’t really want to be away from Phil right now, and he’s glad Phil’s apparently feeling the same way. 

It’s after midnight, but Dan turns on a playlist and they both sing along as they scavenge the kitchen for pancake ingredients. Dan hops up on the counter, trying not to think about what Phil’s parents might think of his ass on their clean surfaces. Phil manages to get the pancakes going and leans up against the sink next to him, their shoulders brushing. “Are we going to finish Buffy?” he asks, resting his head on Dan’s shoulder. 

Dan snorts, kicking his legs out so that his heels thud against the cabinets. “Are you going to stay awake long enough for that?” he teases, smiling when Phil huffs an indignant breath.

“I could never sleep through Buffy, Dan,” he says, moving in front of Dan and pushing his knees apart so he can stand between them. Dan fights to keep his face neutral; he knows he’s a teenager, but it still feels pathetic that all it takes to get him going is apparently mere proximity. He’s pretty sure it’s mostly just Phil, but that’s really no excuse for the way he goes a little breathless when Phil leans into him, pressing him gently back against the cabinet as he kisses him. He doesn’t let them get too carried away, though, spinning away from Dan’s grabby hands with a laugh and returning to the pancakes, flipping them and adding more batter to the pan. 

Some nineties pop song plays from Dan’s ipod, and he can see Phil’s delight all over his face when he turns around to face him. He’d curated this playlist specifically with Phil in mind, so it’s obviously gratifying to see how sweet and surprised he is. It felt cheesy while he was doing it, but he can’t bring himself to dwell on feelings like that when Phil’s in front of him, twisting his hips awkwardly and waving his arms around to the music, smiling so bright it’s almost blinding. He yanks Dan down from his perch and twirls him around; Dan narrowly avoids colliding with an open cabinet and laughs breathlessly, holding tight to Phil’s hand. 

Dan just tries his best to keep up, giggling at Phil’s stupid facial expressions and his complete lack of rhythm until the song ends. Their fingers are still laced together and as the song changes to something slower, Dan pulls Phil in and wraps his arms around his waist, resting his head on Phil’s shoulder as they sway there. It’s hugging more than it’s dancing, but it’s two in the morning and he’s half naked in Phil’s parents house making pancakes, and he reckons it doesn’t really matter that neither of them can actually dance. He’s in Phil’s arms and even after everything that’s happened in the last twenty four hours, it’s still a revelation. 

They stay like that, mostly just holding each other to the sounds of an instrumental song from a soundtrack they both love. Dan thinks about the honeymoon phase of a relationship; that thing he’s always heard about but never experienced. It doesn’t feel like they’ll ever be able to stop being this close to each other, though, now that they’ve started. He’s not going to push for labels and he knows he’s going to end up going back home sooner than he’d like, but whatever he’s feeling right now, rotating in slow circles in Phil’s mum’s kitchen - Phil’s feeling it too, he can tell. 

“Is it always like this?” he whispers, smiling against the skin of Phil’s neck as he jumps a little bit at the suddenness of it. 

“You’re the one who’s actually had a relationship, Dan,” Phil says, giggling when Dan scoffs. “But no, I don’t think so.” he says, fondness coloring his voice and filling Dan up with so much warmth he can hardly stand it. He squeezes around Phil’s waist in answer, kissing his neck softly as he pulls away. 

Phil has a strange look on his face when he meets Dan’s eyes and opens his mouth to speak again, but before he can, the smell of smoke becomes incredibly obvious. 

“Phil!” Dan shrieks, shoving him out of the way so he can dump the burning pancakes into the trash. He can hear Phil’s startled laughter behind him and he just shakes his head, handing the pan back to Phil to start over. “I’m going to sit over here and stare at the counter, and you’re going to focus.” he says sternly, fighting a smile at how sweet Phil’s smile is. Phil pulls him back by the wrist and plants a sloppy kiss on his forehead before letting him go and returning his attention to the pan. Dan can feel the blush rising to his cheeks and just shakes his head, sitting down at the breakfast bar to watch. 

He rests his chin in his hands and lets himself zone out a little bit; it’s quiet, the only sounds the sizzling of the batter in the pan and the soft music still playing from the ipod. They’re both probably more tired than they’re willing to admit, and Dan hasn’t actually slept the last few days anyway. It’s worth it, though, to be here in this moment. They can sleep in anyway; all they have planned for tomorrow is gaming and maybe some more filming, and neither of those things actually require a specific amount of sunlight. Dan’s pretty sure they’ll be otherwise occupied anyway. At least, he hopes so. He’s not going to start anything now, but it’s definitely tempting. Phil’s pajamas do very little to hide the shape of his ass underneath and Dan’s not really trying to objectify him, but it’s like now that he’s been that close to him once it’s all he wants. 

They eat their (slightly burned) pancakes quickly, their ankles interlocked under the table and their thighs pressed together. Dan barely has room to move his arm this way, can definitely understand why being right handed might be preferable in a situation like this, but he also wouldn’t move if his life depended on it. Phil’s sloppy, spilling syrup on the table and pouting when Dan laughs, but he’s also quickly cheered up when Dan takes his fork out of his hand and kisses him hard to make up for it, pulling him closer so that for a moment they both completely forget about the food. Phil has his hands up Dan’s sweatshirt and seems like he’s considering just yanking it off right here in the kitchen until his stomach growls loudly and Dan bursts out laughing directly into his mouth. He pulls away, cheeks burning red, and Dan just shakes his head fondly as they return to their food. 

It almost feels too easy, this. Like maybe he thought things would be more awkward for longer once he actually had Phil in front of him. He hadn’t necessarily planned on the sex, but they both had known it was on the table - they’d shared enough thoughts and fantasies beforehand for that to be obvious - but some tiny part of him had been worried it would make things awkward. Dan knew Phil wasn’t going to call him names or push him around the next day, but he also didn’t know what the other options were. Evidently they included making food together in the middle of the night and a lot of making out. 

They leave the dishes in the sink to worry about later, the carbs and sugar having definitely exacerbated their exhaustion, and slowly climb the stairs back to Phil’s room. Dan yanks his hoodie off, smiling a little bit at the spark of interest in Phil’s eyes, and climbs into the bed, snuggling down into the sheets and sighing at how comfortable he is. He categorically refuses to think about how this is AmazingPhil’s bed, and he will never be able to watch another video with this bed in it without remembering what they’d done in it earlier. He just closes his eyes, unable to keep the slightly smug smile off his face, and waits for Phil to join him. 

Phil climbs in after him, his shirtless chest pressing tightly against Dan’s back, pushing his knees into the space behind Dan’s thighs to spoon him. He rests his arm around Dan’s waist, gently pressing his hand into his stomach and stroking the skin there. It’s nice, and Dan hums contentedly. They lay like that, falling ever closer to sleep, and Dan revels in the warm feeling in his chest. He doesn’t think it’ll ever dissipate at this point. Phil’s just slightly taller than him, a near impossibility in Dan’s life, and he loves the way he feels small in his arms. 

“You’re my best friend, Dan,” Phil murmurs, kissing him softly below his ear and squeezing him close for a moment. 

Dan feels his face go hot and he’s never felt butterflies in his stomach before, but he’s definitely feeling them now. He pushes his face into his pillow, grinning hard, and squeezes Phil’s hand over his stomach. Phil nuzzles deeper into his neck, pressing his smile into a kiss there. 

Dan drifts off to sleep eventually, hearing the echo of those words and how they mostly just sound like a placeholder for other, more difficult words. He’s willing to wait for the other ones, though; this is more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> title and inspiration from you are in love by taylor swift
> 
> find me on tumblr @ irrationalqueer


End file.
